wat bout pragnant strippers??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
