I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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