So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
