I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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