i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
