I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
