I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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