this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
