please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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