Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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