I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
