fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
