He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
