when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
