Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
