Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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