Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
