he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
