Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
