Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
