FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
