Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
