Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
