Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
