I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
