remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
