Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
