Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I would fuck him just for his dog
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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