Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
