just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
