Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
