Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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