I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
