I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
