Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
