i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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