I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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