I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
