Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
