Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
