I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
