Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
zippers are such a cool invention
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
