Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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