Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
