youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
