At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
