Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
