so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
