I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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