I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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