I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
