dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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